There is a master rule of human behavior: “We act consistently with our identity.” This principle is by itself behind most self-sabotaging behaviors.

Our identity is the kind of thing that is so close to us that we grow blind to it. There are no limits to what a person can identify with,  no matter how good or horrible it is. We can grow our identity around suffering, victimhood, even a place or circumstance if we have been on it long enough.

Long things short: If you believe that you were born to be a fireman, you will become a fireman. If you think that you are a hard-working person, you will work hard. 

Sounds good? There is a catch though.

The fireman WILL reject other professions and jobs, no matter the payment or his wellbeing. The hard worker will choose the most hard-working options in life, not the most effective, oftentimes working for no reason.

We have an identity, but what does that identity imply? 

Write down “I am the kind of person that ________”, “I have the tendency to__________” and brainstorm your identity. Then look for Victimhood and negativity and question those to death, is either them or your well-being.

 Are those roles co-dependent on negative situations? Because if they are, big are the chances that you will unconsciously put yourself in those situations; After all, that is what you do, right?