Stuck states are those situations in which you feel somehow trapped, usually due to external circumstances.

We all have been there, perhaps in a relationship, in our jobs or with a situation that we actively dislike and seem unable to find any way out. This happens to everyone from time to time and up to a point, is absolutely unavoidable.

But, how can we prevent ourselves from being stuck in a situation like this? Well, let’s dig into how and why we got there, to begin with:
First and foremost, there is a concept we need to get clear here. We are not the same individual across time; we develop, we grow, we are everchanging. This dynamic nature of our personality goes under our radar most times and affects our lives in counterintuitive ways. We are the repercussion of what a not so wise version of ourselves once choose, it seemed good right then, but now you face the actual consequences of those decisions. You don’t have right now the same emotional needs you had before starting that relationship, nor your economic situation is now similar to when you got this very much needed job back then.

This is not to discourage us, yet the opposite, this is the very nature of our learning and evolution as individuals, remember that stagnation, apathy, and inaction is the worst life killer, everything else is a sign of movement, of trying, of achieving and ultimately life.

Another way we get ourselves in stuck states is due to our poor coping strategies, and this deficiency in smart and effective approaches to cope with our environment comes in a considerable measure from our upbringing. So, what are “poor coping strategies”? One of the top 5 poor strategies is the “now fixes” we usually tend to build our lives upon, and what is a now fix? Going to binge to the fridge at the first-minute sensation of hunger is a common now fix. Getting into a relationship with the first person coming around in a time of solitude, or getting the first job that gets you in during a time of economic need are also quick fixes. Instead of focusing on developing our strategies to solve a problem once and for all, we intuitively tend to find a solution to fix the current discomfort and then stop thinking about it.

There is no problem with now fixes; on the contrary, they are a million times better than procrastination. The problem comes when we confuse a fix with a permanent solution because fixes are, by definition, not taking into account long term consequences. Have many of this and you will find yourself dealing with them soon enough in all aspects of your life, think about it as a liking pipe fixed with tape, works now, but is not going to last, and it might begin to leak in a much more inappropriate time than now.

So then, what can we do?

Self-inquiry: The mother of all self-development techniques is free, tedious, and absolutely miraculous; it consists of you, a pen, paper, and time. Simply write a question, and don’t let yourself leave the chair until that question gets answered in a way that is congruent,  honest, and real to you. The more resistance there is to answer it, the more stubborn you should be on getting an answer: “How did I get into this situation?” “What could have I done differently?”  “How will I get out of this?”, and so on.

Begin to get used to looking ahead. Seriously, ad an alarm to your phone several times a day, just to stop for 30 seconds and reflect for a moment of where are you heading to, is this that you are doing right now going to contribute in any meaningful way to your life and where you want to go? Do you have a clear vision of where you want to go to help you aim your efforts? And if the answer is “no,” since when is that ok to you?

Learn to face the situation. No matter the caution, you will fall into the traps that life will lay in the path eventually. Looking ahead helps not to get there so often, but when the moment comes, it is about you confronting the situation, standing by yourself, and taking action; this means to make a call, stop that toxic relationship, get a better job or tell someone to shut up. Learning to face this type of situation is what will make you an empowered individual.